What If I Relapse? The Truth About Setbacks and Moving Forward

If you’re asking, “What if I relapse?” I want you to know, first and foremost, that you’re not alone. Whether you’re navigating recovery from an addiction, healing from emotional trauma, or simply trying to break an old habit, the fear of relapse can feel heavy. And if you’ve experienced a setback, you might be feeling guilt, shame, or even a sense of failure.

But here’s something I want to tell you straight from my heart: relapse doesn’t mean failure. In fact, setbacks are a normal part of the healing and recovery process. They're expected. I know that’s not what we want to hear, but it’s true. That's where the whole "2 steps forward, 1 step back" saying comes from. What matters most isn’t whether or not you stumble—it’s how you respond when you do. So, let’s talk about what happens if you relapse, and more importantly, how to get back on track.

Relapse is Part of the Process, Not the End of the Journey

It’s easy to think of relapse as a sign that all your progress has been undone, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The journey toward healing and growth is rarely a straight line—it’s more like a winding road with ups and downs, twists and turns. Sometimes, you take 2 steps forward and 1 step back. That step back? It’s part of the process. It shows you where you have a weak spot in your foundation. That's where you focus on your next steps forward. 

Relapsing doesn’t erase the work you’ve already done. It doesn’t mean you’re back at square one. What it does mean is that there’s an opportunity here—an opportunity to learn more about yourself and the triggers or patterns that led to this moment. Every setback carries valuable lessons, even if it feels discouraging right now.

Why Do Relapses Happen?

There are so many reasons why a relapse might happen. Maybe you’ve been under stress and your usual coping strategies weren’t enough to hold up. Maybe you felt overwhelmed, lonely, or discouraged, and an old habit or behavior crept back in. Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that relapse isn’t a reflection of your character or your worth—it’s a response to something deeper that needs your attention. Your next focal point.

This isn’t about blame or shame. It’s about understanding. When we approach relapse with curiosity rather than judgment, we can start to figure out what led to it and how to strengthen ourselves moving forward. Was it stress, a relationship conflict, a sudden change in routine? Pinpointing the cause helps us develop better strategies for the future.

What Now? The Importance of Self-Compassion

The hardest part of any relapse is often the emotional aftermath. You might feel disappointed in yourself, frustrated, or like you’ve let others down. But here’s where I really want you to lean in: self-compassion is key. Beating yourself up over a relapse only deepens the feelings of guilt and shame, which can make it harder to get back on track.

Instead, try speaking to yourself the way you would to a close friend. If your friend came to you feeling ashamed after a setback, would you tell them they’ve failed? Would you say they’re not good enough? Of course not. You’d remind them that they’re human, that setbacks happen, and that they’re still worthy of kindness, compassion and love. Now’s the time to offer yourself that same grace.

Getting Back on Track

So, you’ve relapsed. Now what? It’s time to take a deep breath, forgive yourself, and start moving forward again. Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge It: The first step is to be honest with yourself and recognize what’s happened. There’s no need to pretend it didn’t happen or hide it. By acknowledging it, you take away its power to control you.
2. Reach Out for Support: Whether it’s a therapist, a trusted friend, or a support group, talking to someone can make all the difference. Relapses thrive in isolation. When you share your experience with others, you break that isolation and remind yourself that you’re not alone in this journey.
3. Identify the Trigger: Think about what was happening in your life before the relapse. What emotions, situations, or stressors might have played a role? When you can identify the triggers, you’ll be better equipped to manage them next time. (This is an important step!) What made you give in or decide to relapse this time? Have you faced it before and persevered? What was different about this time?
4. Revisit Your Plan: Take a moment to reflect on your strategies and tools for staying on track. Do you need to adjust your self-care routines? Maybe it’s time to add new coping skills or revisit old ones. Strengthening your plan will help you move forward with more resilience.
5. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: This is the big one. Recovery and healing aren’t about being perfect—they’re about small continual progress. Every day you show up, every time you make the effort to heal, you’re making progress. 1% better every day is 90% better in 3 months. Focus on a small step every single day. Relapse is just a detour, not a dead end.

Relapse Isn’t the Final Chapter

If you’ve relapsed, it’s easy to feel like you’ve failed. But here’s the truth: the story isn’t over. You’ve written so many chapters of strength, courage, acknowledgement, humility and growth already, and this one setback doesn’t erase all of them. In fact, this could be the chapter where you discover just how resilient you are.

Remember, healing isn’t about never falling down—it’s about how you rise after you fall. And I have no doubt that you’ll rise again, stronger and wiser than before. Because love and healing always win, even in the face of setbacks.

Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, and know that you’re capable of continuing this journey. You’ve come too far to give up now.